spank me baby, it'll bring us closer
So a chemist, a film and television expert and a psychologist walk into an S&M club to watch couples play a little rough… No, that’s not the beginning of a joke but an actual, honest to goodness study about the relationships of couples which practice a variety of sadomasochistic activities. And as it turns out, bondage and domination can bring couples closer together provided that both partners enjoyed themselves. This sounds like a no brainer at first, but we have to consider how S&M play was originally perceived by psychology.
Until the late 1980s, sadomasochism was always viewed as a psychosexual disorder and doctors saw all relationships which included bondage, domination, consensual pain and power exchange as pathological. The third edition of the Diagnostic Statistical Manual, or the DSM III, labeled pretty much all kinds of sadomasochistic activities as proof that the patient had a sexual dysfunction to be treated. But a number of research projects started finding that relationships in which S&M play was a form of intimacy, weren’t actually as uncommon or as rough as most early treatises on sexual health had assumed and that sadomasochism was enjoyed by many people in stable partnerships, with good education and perfectly normal childhoods. As the researchers try to politely note, the original ideas of BDSM in general were based more on the societal opinions of the enthusiasts than factual evidence.
Now, just watching S&M enthusiasts enjoying themselves is more of a fun Friday night than an actual research project which is why the researchers analyzed the production of testosterone and the stress hormone cortisol in those who engaged in bondage, spanking, power exchange and pain and pleasure routines. Their findings were a little surprising. Instead of both partners reacting to the stress of the activities with extra testosterone and cortisol, only the submissive men and women registered a hormonal reaction. The dominant partners maintained the same baseline levels before and after their S&M play. On the psychological end of the study, the men and women who said that their experience that night went well, reported that they felt closer to their partners and were happier with the relationship than those who were left unsatisfied. So in other words, a good night of consensual masochism brings a couple closer together says the study’s conclusion. And the survey data seems to support this idea.
But I wonder if that’s really so. Usually, the main component in S&M play is the trust. Couples in the lifestyle have a lot of faith in their partners and for that to happen, they generally need to be close and have a good baseline level of relationship happiness before experimenting with S&M, bondage or power exchanges. If the experience is a letdown, it’s a disappointment for both the dominant partner (the top) and the submissive (the bottom) and can be seen as a breach of the trust that got them to agree to the experiment or even suggest it in the first place. But even though it’s disappointing, it doesn’t mean that it leaves a permanent mark on the relationship. The disappointment might last a day or two and closeness can come from other activities both partners enjoy. Provided that this study was a convenience sample of 58 people over one night and recorded their impressions for that one night only, you might not want to rush to the S&M club nearest to you in hopes of repairing wounded relationships with a little rough play just yet. Unless your partner suggests it of course, and you’re into the idea…
See: Sagarin, B., et al. (2008). Hormonal Changes and Bonding in Consensual Sadomasochistic Activity Archives of Sexual Behavior, 38 (2), 186-200 DOI: 10.1007/s10508-008-9374-5
Figures that the Family Guy is into S&M, no surprise there! :lol:
As for me, I’ll pass.
I mean, me and my girlfriend were close, but once we started having rougher and rougher sex, we became closer and closer. i guess this could follow the same reasoning as SnM bringing couples closer…hmm maybe me and her should give htis a try.
Where are those good old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely?
Luckily, there’s the family guy!
This piece recalls your Sex In Space article, to which I commented that the BDSM community might have a lot to offer scientists studying effective methods of procreation, or just relief of tension headaches, in zero-g environments. Hang ups might still exist; but the tie-downs might save the day.
This reminds of a strange sales call I received from a guy looking for material to apply to paddles used in S&M. I entertained a long discussion with him regarding these paddles because it was much more interesting than the needs of normal distributors calling in. He fabricated these paddles and sold them to couples online. He had a website, that I have long forgotten. However, he sold some at S&M shows and there were two large ones here in St. Louis. He informed me that one is in the spring and one in the fall and he sold a lot of paddles at these shows. The show names, which I have not forgotten, were respectively named “Beat Me In St. Louis” and “Spanksgiving”. Sadly, I did not earn his business.
gfish, you hit the nail on the head. Trust. At least where we’re talking about essentially normal people.
The love of my life, the mother of my children, and I had a pretty entertaining and mostly normal sex-life. She was quite responsive to love and tenderness, but occasionally, and I do mean occasionally, like once a year, she would propose some sort of BDSM, if you will. She wasn’t into pain, but she liked rape fantasies. Sometimes she simply played the victim, sometimes she fought, but she always had a really good time. I figured it probably reflected some dime romance she’d been reading, but phantasy is the key word. She was confident that I was not going to actually hurt her. This was a mutually supportive romantic fiction drama, and it could get rough as hell, but there were no bruises to speak of.
Now about people who actually are into S&M: Well, I think they’re sick. I think researchers need to try to distinguish romantic fiction drama from the real thing, which I think, is a psychosis.
Now about people who actually are into S&M: Well, I think they’re sick.
Something tells me that you didn’t read the introduction to this post very well since it’s pretty much quoting psychologists on why S&M is not a pathology. Keep in mind that in the animal world, many species evolved to be forceful about finding a mate since it demonstrates to the females that the male is strong and fit enough to reproduce.
Also, just an FYI. Role playing like the kind you just said you enjoyed with your wife is very much under the subset of that S&M umbrella. Some people just take those little fantasies farther because that’s what excites them…
gfish,
First, I have no obligation to take the word of psychologists about anything. My wife, of an earlier post, was apparently suffering from what we now call post-partum syndrome, though we didn’t have that phrase in those days, so our family doctor sent her to a psychiatrist. She reported back to our doctor, “I’m never going back to that silly SOB, he’s crazier than I am.” To which our doctor responded with nearly hysterical laughter.
Second, roll playing is different from real S&M. If I’m playing like I’m pointing a gun at your head, and can’t for whatever reason, use a toy gun, I’m going to make double bubble damned sure the gun is not loaded. Several iterations of damned sure. If I put a round in the cylinder and give it a spin, now we’re playing Russian roulette for real, and we are clearly demented, no matter how much more exciting it may be.
No pants or underpants. Spanked until you wonder if you can sit. It goes away in a minute.