There have been numerous times over those years that I’ve questioned whether I have a mental illness at all (it appears many people with bipolar disorder do this when they’re on an up, it’s part of the illness) – I seem to be fine most of the time, though friends would say I experience emotions more deeply and intensely than most people they know – some say it’s just a part of who I am as a person, particularly a creative person (though I think all people are creative in some manner) and I’m inclined to agree with them.

I agree with Ian in that I want to feel the full spectrum of human emotion. I think it makes life more colourful and well-rounded. Sadness is the flip-side to the coin of our happiness. I came off the meds just over a year ago. Since then I have had moments where I felt dangerously close to the edge. Still, there are long periods of happiness and sustained joy. Some people would call that hypomania, and I guess when you joy leads you to reckless behaviour you wouldn’t normally engage in, that’s a sign something is off. But I still struggle to understand whether this ‘illness’ really is something worth worrying about, if it’s even there – but even that is a part of the illness. You don’t think you need help, or that anything is wrong, until it’s too late.

So I depend on the people around me to let me know when I’m over the top. I still won’t take meds. Some people think that’s being stupid, and maybe it is, but

I’ve embraced the idea that my illness, if I do have it, is certainly not as severe as many people with bipolar disorder experience, and that even if it is, and I can’t see it myself, then I would still prefer to live my life experiencing everything as deeply and as movingly as I do, rather than numb that with meds. I get odd reactions to it, but like I say, I’d rather go out in a flaming ball of fire, than float suspended to life in a muted haze.

For many others, the decision is not that ideal or that romantic. It’s literally a choice between life and death, and when I’m on the edge, I understand that. I think what I’m trying to say, in this ridiculously long comment (sorry) is that I agree that emotions and behaviour are too quickly medicated as illness these days, but that whether someone is truly ill or impaired by those experiences should be left up to those with the illness. It sounds risky, and it probably is, but help should only come when things are undoubtedly bad. The problem is that too much diagnosis and prescriptions these days are done to prevent rather than treat. And meds that mess with your mind are not worth playing with.

I’m a great believer in feeling the full spectrum of human responses. It’s actually surprising how much ’stress’ (or ‘pressure’ as it’s becoming known in UK GP surgeries — you don’t get medication for stress, but you do if you call it pressure… go figure) we can take. Unfortunately, medication is often seen as the silver bullet to solve how crappy you’re feeling. The human body is actually pretty adept at coping with problems.

Unfortunately, if you keep taking unnecessary medication to smooth out the bumps in life, you’re setting yourself up for a fall. Far from being able to deal with real-life stresses in the future, you’re less able to cope if you don’t have that handy little pill to pick you up. That said, real depression can be incapacitating, and often medication is required to pull the individual out of the black, but depression is known to be overdiagnosed.

What ever happened to a stiff shot of vodka when times are tough? Oh, they do the vodka and Prozac now? Ouch. ;)

Cheers, Ian

About your article:

YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! and YES!!!

I grew up in the South where every five seconds someone is saying “Where’s that smile?” “Come on Sweetheart, smiled!” “Awwww….come on now, smile!” In my childhood culture, something was terribly wrong with you when you wore anything besides cheerfulness. I love smiling and being happy. I run around like a five year old a lot of the time. Some of my friends call me Tinkerbell even. But I am just as often pensive, serious, quiet, sad, or any of the other billions of places we go. It’s a wheel. Everything cycles. Like the moon and the seasons. It all rises to pass to rises to pass….

Thanks So Much for writing this!!!

Have a Great One!