ph’nglui mglw’nafh cthulhu r’lyeh fhtagn

December 2, 2009


Today is Cthulhu Day, a time when mere mortals of this doomed world perform ritualistic human sacrifices to alien gods that hide from the poisonous rays of our stars, mutilate random goats while dancing naked around fires that glow with an unholy light, summon old deities, and try to remain sane just long enough for Shoggoth races to start on the Netherworld Channel. And if you feel you’d rather be a little more productive as you praise the primeval Old One who slumbers in the sunken city of R’lyeh, you can follow the example of a local school board member urging his local district to prepare their students for a potential lifetime of sheer, unimaginable terror should Cthulhu awaken in the foreseeable future…

Arguing that students should return to the fundamentals taught in the Pnakotic Manuscripts and the Necronomicon in order to develop the skills they need to be driven to the very edge of sanity, Arkham school board member Charles West continued to advance his pro-madness agenda at the district’s monthly meeting Tuesday. […]

The controversial school board member reportedly interrupted a heated discussion about adding fresh fruit to school lunches in order to bring his motion to the table. With the aid of [his] flip chart, West laid out his six-point plan for increased madness, which included field trips to the medieval metaphysics department at Miskatonic University, instruction in the incantations of Yog-Sothoth, and a walkathon sponsored by local businesses to raise money for the basketball program.

Likewise, feel free to use the word of the Necronomicon summarized in a handy, Chick style comic to warn your loved ones of the gruesome fate that awaits humanity. As disconforting as it may seem, I’d wager that if we really start exploring the universe at some point in the future, we’ll find that things will work a lot more like a Lovecraftian tale than a Biblical story or ufologists’ accounts of friendly extraterrestrials living in an otherworldly utopia after they evolved far enough along to have no use for war or conflict. Although I admit, I’ve always been a bit of a pessimist when it comes to alien life.

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  • Paul from NH

    Hate to nit-pick, but you left out a word… It’s “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh C’thulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.” Anyway, iä, iä! Praise to Cthulhu! Celebrate by getting your significant other some Lovecraft-inspired perfume:

  • aaa

    “Arkham school board member Charles West continued to advance his pro-madness agenda at the district’s monthly meeting Tuesday. […]”

    And you thought only the Joker escaped Arkham huh