dial x for an astronomical ufo conspiracy

February 9, 2010

Give the web’s UFO enthusiasts another notch in the belt for discovering NASA’s attempt to hide a mysterious alien spacecraft captured by the Hubble orbital telescope and filed as an asteroid collision which left a highly distinctive trail shaped like an X. Or if you’re a conspiracy theorist, like a trident and obviously, a huge node of an extraterrestrial craft which appears to be roughly the size of the American Southwest from tip to what we should assume to be the engines extending far beyond the supposed node. One wonders how you would be able to analyze the rather blurry image to make sure it was really an alien craft rather than just debris from the comfort of a home office using just a few image filters, but it seems that if you play the conspiracy card, all that matters is claiming a UFO and every fuzzy outline and blurry shape are undeniable proof of alien presence…

For the sake of argument, let’s play around with the idea that the orbital telescope caught a blurry glimpse of a massive alien craft. Considering its sheer size, the civilization that would have to build it must be hundreds, if not thousands of years ahead of us technologically. Besides having to put together trillions of tons of material into a working ship and powering it up with enough reactors to provide energy to half the Earth’s population at peak demand hours, its designers would have to work around the curvature of their home planet to build what amounts to a small, floating continent. Yes, when we account for the physical requirements of traveling across interstellar space we’ll end up with a huge ship comparable in size to our tallest skyscrapers. But this seems like a pretty major overkill and should raise a lot of questions unlikely to have an uplifting answer. Something this big could be used to transport anentire army, or a planet’s population. If they set their sights on our solar system, what do they want and what would it mean for us?

We should also take into account the very likely rarity of alien civilizations that could build spaceships like this hypothetical craft, their potential aversion to making contact with us, and how short ufologists tend to fall when it comes to providing solid evidence for their claims. Regardless of how old or wise alien empires might be, or how fair technology manages to advance during their existence, they’ll be still be subject to basic laws of biology and physics and any proof for their existence has to be more than a blurry image, promises of grand revelations to come, and indignant rants in response to any critique of their proclamations. But none of this matters to ardent ufologists. They need there to be proof of alien spacecraft visiting our planet, something to convince them that they’re not alone in the universe and that enlightenment from above will rain down from the heavens in the form of advanced alien technology from benevolent extraterrestrials. Alternatively, they’ll be perfectly happy to live in a world of government cover-ups and secret alien plots which is a far more exciting place than the dull routine with which many of us have to deal in our daily lives.

[ illustration by Guille Krieger ]

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  • RaggMopp


    Sorry to bother you with pet peeves, but this one has been burning a hole in my brain for years, and I finally have a forum to express it:

    UFO stands for (a very generic) Unidentified Flying Object. I don’t know what “ufologists” or “UFO enthusiasts” might call themselves, I have no interest is such stuff, but I suspect that at least part of this terminology comes from the MSM (Main Stream Media.) If these geese have been allowed to capture the term UFO, it’s at least as much the fault of the MSM as the capture of the term “conservative” by the fervent reactionaries who now seem to wag the Republican Party.

    I like the term UFO just as it was intended. It allows us to talk rationally about strange visual/aerial phenomena, without getting into some ridiculous discussion of alien spacecraft. It’s not a stupid subject. I’ve seen six unexplained phenomena, and not all in the night sky. Although most were. You have to have been raised in, lived in and worked in remote locations. One night while I was camping alone at Bear Creek Station, a remote fire tanker base on the Mendocino National Forest, having left my mobiI radio on ’til 2100 in case my boss needed to contact me, I heard the lovely little old school teacher lady who manned Anthony Peak Lookout for her summer vacations, and who wouldn’t have said suey if the hogs had her (that’s from my Mom who grew up in New Madrid, Missouri – meaning she didn’t cuss or swear ever) call Hull Mountain Lookout (also a lady, but I didn’t know any of her particulars) and say, “Hull Mountain, this is Anthony Peak, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?” They sat in their lookouts (360 degree glass boxes) in the dark, until well after dark, and watched the landscape for any sparks or glows that might turn out to be fires that they could triangulate as confirmed smokes at daylight. Hull Mountain replied, “GOD! I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT IT SURE WAS SPECTACULAR, WASN’T IT? That was it, I saw nothing, and nothing was ever reported. They didn’t wish to participate in any alien spacecraft BS, and we both know why. The US Department of Agriculture, Forest Service, had no use for lookouts that weren’t solid as a rock, women were better at it than men, but flighty women were not invited back. I’ve heard tapes of commercial aircraft pilot who, after reporting some very strange goings on and after some thought, declined to report a UFO. Same reason.

    Man I hate it that to report a UFO is tantamount to admitting that you’re a goof ball. What can we do to allow sane, rational people to report curious phenomena without being stigmatized (apropos of another sort of goofy behavior.) It ain’t like that stuff don’t happen. Don’t tell me Anthony Peak didn’t see what she saw, and don’t even think about telling me I didn’t see what I saw. That’s not to say there’s not a rational explanation. I was driving West on I-10 headed for LA once when there was a launch from Vandenberg AFB, I knew what it was, and it was therefore not a UFO to me, but God, when it staged out over the Pacific Ocean, it was awsome! It made the aurora borealis look sick.

  • Eric

    I really hope extraterrestrial life will be found, and will prove all religions obsolete. Free thinking for everyone and no more lies…