If you’re interested in space in any way, shape or form, you’ve probably heard of the hexagon on Saturn, a very odd phenomena in which storm clouds swirling around the planet’s north pole are arranged in a very neat, six sided formation. Ok, it’s pretty and there are a lot of complex fluid dynamics involved in making storms line up in a hexagon but hey, weather on gas giants is really bizarre in the first place. Other than the odd shape, what could be so special about these clouds? Well, according our favorite self-appointed guru of all things natural and unnatural, Mike Adams, not only does the hexagon on Saturn bear the manifestation of the All Seeing Eye, it’s also persuasive proof of intelligent design in the universe around us. To say that the woo is strong with our airheaded New Age crusader would be an understatement, especially after seeing how his train of what I quite honestly hesitate to call thought unfolds into an exercise in pseudoscientific and spiritual pareidolia.
First, let’s establish the facts of the matter. The figures regarding the hexagon on Saturn are correct and it’s an immense structure about 15,000 miles across and 60 miles thick. If it were placed on our world, it would start at ground level and end somewhere around the Karman line, the recognized beginning of space. Almost four Earths could float on the hexagon’s surface and the cyclone’s gusts can reach about 300 miles per hour. It’s a very powerful and complex storm, but scientists have been able to replicate how it could form a hexagon, as well as a variety of other shapes in the lab by simulating the dynamics which affect gas giants with very thick atmospheres. It all comes down to the difference in the rotational speeds of different storm belts and with the right conditions, you can not only get hexagons but triangles, ovals and septagons too. Cool? Absolutely! The kind of miracle that could only be indicative of supernatural design? Not in the slightest. But of course, it’s not just the hexagon that has Mike’s attention, but something even stranger…
Inside the hexagon there’s a three-sided pyramid shape. It appears quite clearly as a triangle set against the background of the hexagon. Imagine a pyramid placed on top of the hexagon and you’ll see it. There’s even more: Inside the pyramid is the shape of the all-seeing eye. You can clearly see it in the center of the pyramid shape, which is inside the hexagon. Do you recognize this all- seeing eye with the pyramid? If not, just whip out a dollar bill from your pocket and glance at the back. There it is! Yes, your U.S. currency contains the exact same image.
Wow. Did he really just connect the hexagon on Saturn to the Great Seal of the United States? Hold on, let me get out my conspiracy bingo card and start playing Six Degrees of Illuminati. Since when has a triangle been a pyramid? Sure, there are three sided pyramids but they look very different from the kind of pyramid Mike has in mind. All he did was declare that a triangle shape he sees when he squints his eyes is a pyramid and that it’s an accurate representation of the Great Seal. Even if there was a triangle on Saturn, we already have a clue of how it would’ve formed and we know that not every single triangle has something to do with conspiracy fodder for a crank with a mind that’s so open, his brain is teetering on the verge of falling out completely.
So far, I have not presented anything other than what is evident. There is a spinning hexagon of clouds on Saturn’s north pole. Inside the hexagon is a triangle (pyramid). Inside the triangle are two concentric circles that look a lot like a human eye. This shape looks a lot like the pyramid with the all-seeing eye on the back of the U.S. dollar. Notice I haven’t mentioned anything about any conspiracy, or aliens, or anything of that kind. These are just observations of the world around us.
Ah yes, the good old just-asking-questions method, the conspiracy theorist’s equivalent of saying that he’s not hiding anything up his sleeve. Of course this is nonsense. Mike hasn’t met a conspiracy theory with which he hasn’t fallen in love, be it 9/11 Truthism, or cold fusion suppression. He’s putting on his tinfoil hat while telling us that he’s just putting on his regular old cap to take a jog around the Ecuadorian jungle. Few of the things he said are evident since he’s been telling you what you can see, where and how along the way. This is a known tactic in persuasion and it’s used with great success because human brains like to seek patterns and when a certain caption is placed under the right image, it makes our eyes much more prone to recognize patterns that just aren’t there. Every scientific investigator knows this happens, but then again, when confronted with actual science, Mike tends to throw temper tantrums like a spoiled brat and pound himself on the chest.
From this point in the article, he goes off on vague, pseudoscientific tangents, hinting that the hexagon on the gas giant could be anything from aliens to a deity while adamantly insisting that he’s not saying that any of it is true in any way, shape or form. The only people he’s deceiving with this are his loyal fans who believe anything he says, just as long as he indulges their New Age woo-isms in the process, and himself. He’s not as vague, cunning or insightful as he fancies himself to be. Instead, he’s just a clumsy conspiracy monger who sells the modern day equivalent of snake oil and imagines himself a counter-culture visionary. If he really wanted to try his hand at presenting something interesting to his readers, he would’ve read the scientific explanation for the hexagon rather than stare at pictures until he saw seals, triangles and circles. And if he really didn’t know why there’s a hexagon on Saturn, doesn’t want to consult the experts on the matter, and isn’t saying anything about it, why did he write an article? Just to waste some more bandwidth with his version of whale.to?
[ illustration by Wear Controversy, story tip by Pierce Butler ]