an alien invasion warning with a mayan spin

December 29, 2010

When it comes to the current doomsday craze of 2012, the latest in a long history of apocalyptic predictions, we’re been hit with just about ever scenario for how the world should end. There are solar flares, alignments of celestial objects that suddenly turn deadly, rampaging planets, rogue brown dwarfs knocking us into our parent star, tectonic upheavals, and if all else fails, some bizarre manifestation of New Age Consciousness that will change the world as we know it. And now, add to that an alien invasion as highlighted by one of the many ufologists at that sprawling network of localized online tabloids called the Examiner. We’ve gotten more than our fair of gems from the Examiner’s staff of conspiracy theorists before, including another warning of a looming invasion from the dark side of the Moon, and promises that the government would reveal its long, secretive history of working with alien creatures, but whereas the past ufological tall tales just pounded on the conspiracy drum, this contribution to web-based nonsense manages to work in the 2012 angle. I’ll give it points for creativity, but that’s about the extent of anything positive I have to say about this slice of inanity.

Now, of course, there’s no law of physics that would prevent a space faring alien species from building a few huge interstellar spaceships and making their way to Earth either by design or by chance. However, since we were given the coordinates of the supposed trio of alien ships, we know that if this really is the invading army of extraterrestrial marauders that will exterminate humanity, they’re the slowest alien armada ever assembled and sent to another world. After running the relevant numbers, the Bad Astronomer tells us that to really be a fleet of spacecraft, these objects would’ve been about 100,000 kilometers away in the mid-1990s when they were captured on film for the NASA image archive. To arrive on December 21, 2012 as per the article, our new alien overlords have to be moving at just over 0.67 km per hour, also known as the blazing pace of a lethargic snail on sodium pentothal. Since they’re only 11,764 kilometers away, you could spot them yourself using just about any telescope. Or not, since the mysterious spacecraft only showed up on one filter plate and vanished on the others. That’s right. We got an oblong, mysterious shape on a blue filter, but the red and infrared plates applied to the same patch of sky yield absolutely nothing at all. Must be their cloaking devices at work. Or just some lint and dust on a plate that wasn’t caught when the image was being uploaded to the repository.

So I guess we’re either facing a small fleet of invisible alien warships struggling to cover just a little less than a quarter of the average American’s daily commute to work in the same time span while our satellites whiz by at 27,400 km per hour in low Earth orbit below and 11,068 km per hour in geosynchronous orbit overhead, or the Examiner gave column space to an astoundingly ignorant twit who quotes a fictional SETI astrophysicist who no one at SETI knows, and who doesn’t seem to exist at any university or publish any papers, for proof of an impending alien invasion. You know what? I’m going to go with the latter since I really don’t think it’s even a remote possibility that an object could be traveling at 670 meters per hour in medium Earth orbit. Our planet’s gravity should be pulling it down at thousands of miles an hour, even if it’s just a rock. And this really isn’t the only thing that Andrew Wozny, Examiner’s ufology "expert" who brought us this 2012 alien invasion story, has been peddling. In the usual half-hushed hints and JAQ-ing around favored by so many fans of dark alien and New World Order conspiracies, he also talks about Phobos being an abandoned alien spacecraft carrying some sort of mysterious monolith made by another civilization, with undated and out-of-context clip of Buzz Aldrin on a news show talking about an odd image of Phobos as his key source. Do I even need to explain all the problems with using fuzzy, raw images and selective clips from news shows as proof of anything? Then again, that’s usually all the conspiracy theorists tend to have…

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  • badbass9

    I’ve warned you before: If you’ve had a flu shot since the year 2000, on 12/21/12 the aliens will send a signal, causing the receivers of said flu shots to gather at predetermined sites, where they will then be taken aboard their spaceships and be processed into food. For the aliens. After so many light years in deep space, they’ll be plenty hungry.

  • Paul


    What you say makes a lot of sense. I’m glad someone is finally trying to get the Truth out there.

  • Here’s my favourite apocalypse. If I ever feel depressed, I just think of this website and can’t help but burst out laughing. It’s in swedish, but the first paragraph translates as –

    The melting of the polar regions has overthrown the earth’s balance. As the glaciers have melted, the weight at the North Pole has decreased. This has resulted in the heavier, larger part of the Equator beginning to slid downwards, which has increased the lean significantly.

    Yup, global warming is gonna make the world fall over!!

    ahh, i can’t help myself …. what’s a little depressing though is that my (educated at one of Sweden’s top Universities) fiancee sent me the link, in somewhat of a panic! :-O

    Still, depression is easily solved, just think — the world is falling over!

  • shawn disney

    David S.: Why is the idea that unbalanced weights might have physical effects so ludicrous? I understand that Einstein, in some of his lighter moments, actually worked on this idea, with the concept that the Earth’s crust, might actually “slip” under such effects, like plate tectonics, only potentially faster. Is that silly? Have you heard of the anomalies concerning the South Pole continent? See “Fingerprints of the Gods”.

  • Ishma

    Nice Article!

    What Actually happens is that aliens using three slow moving rocket ships to traverse space ><, arrive here at exactly december 21st this year because they know about the panic occuring after that geologyist mis read the mayan bak tun calendar a few years back, and therefore thought it a good oppertunity to invade.

    When they arrive here in there slow moving rocket ships instead of microwaving everything to death, using harmonics, death rays or pulse weapons there going to fire small pieces of metal at people and use balistics untill very slowly they take over the Earth.

    Once they have secured our miniscule spinning poo in this infinate universe they are going to plant a flag in the North pole that looks unbelivably like some xenophobic control freak tard at the tri-lateral commision drew it with his crayon set.

    Then the newly installed leaders will pass laws allow1111ing them to molest your children openly, and to have weird alien ritual sacrifices in public, also you will be forced chipped and very slowly turned in to cyborg slaves.


    People arn't that stupid, and the only sacrifices that are made are of illeagle government officials along side corporate heads whom have been going about starting one unatural catastophie after another, while poisoning people and molesting there children.

  • AAD

    Since shortly after WWII Earth has been represented by US Military delegates to the Galactic Planetary Federation. Because Earth’s representation has been military & secret in nature we have not been allowed full membership to the Galactic Planetary Federation. The GPF has long advised the US military reps that full disclosure and non-military representation is required for full membership but we have been reluctant due to refusal of the greedy, power hungry few on Earth who control energy and banks. 12/21/12 is the deadline that the Earth has been given to disclose. On 12/21/12 the GPF will force disclosure by revealing themselves (multiple large space craft appearing in the sky) and will declare war if necessary to force the US Military to relinquish control of advanced technology to save the Earth and humanity from the costs of continuing to use fossil fuels for power.

    Non-militant people will have nothing to fear.

  • Anonymous

    There already here. The invasion started millennia ago. We’re a by-product of that invasion. Our religions, our system of governing and controlling via a chain of command. Expect no death toll. Only a longer chain of command.

  • Dodo

    Hmm, there will be probes spraying something into the air that we breathe that will knock us out. Best to stay underground … lol. It is possible that aliens already know what this planet holds through the use of their technology… we can see Kepler and other similar planets … some 30 light years away some 600 light years away… so can those aliens… the question is, why bother with Earth, when there are millions of similar planets about and the resources we have here are abundant and easily accessible from other planets … no point to invade earth, perhaps only for biomass? biomass would be desirable, one would suppose, genetic makeup of biomass here may be desirable… that would be all. We are a speck floating in a very vast space. not important in the scheme of things. Thus, if aliens do arrive, yes, we should be very worried about all of the living things on earth, not about the earth itself.

  • Kev

    Thing I just love about comments on the internet, in general; Most people love to express their cynical and sarcastic remarks while sitting in an empty apartment. They love to project, “Look at how “intelligent” I am”. Not everything is true, however, over belittling basic potential truths, we miss finding real truths.

  • D

    Look at all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are not coming here to destroy us but bring us back 2 reality!!!!!!! you all sound like chickens with your heads cut off. Christ speaks the sky turning red. the sun turn red ( our solar system will be aligned with the universe ) ( our Father in heaven). you all yak your jaws as if sea gulls saying mine mine mine!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Government) when they do come they will shut the beast mouth shut 4eva. Read the book of Hosea :) The Lord of Heaven and Earth sent them 2 catch Isreal`s attention to repent and change from a totall lunitics that give away one thing what flops and doing our own thing and not hearing our Lord and Savior`s wisdom ” according 2 ur faith” y do you think he said that? not just the physical healing also our soul and spirit healing. Get it through think skulls. This not about wiping out humanity, its about redeeming man kind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes we are not alone in this Beautiful Mother and Father Universe. Yes! they are watching us even angels. so quit with this conspiracy and realize that yes! its that humanity needs 2 wake up smell the coffee and prayer, supplication, and ears 2 hear, mouth shut, eyes in ashes and tears 2 repent. 2 you Turky. There`s no need 4 hype or anything that brings in anger. We are humans no different than the animals ( birds, cows, sheep, bees, or wasps). hope this sends some light 2 u. May the Love and Light and Blessing b with all of u and comfort.